I took a gap semester from Harvard for personal reasons — mostly wanting to spend time out of classes and problem sets. This is far from a synopsis of what I did, but my greatest takeaway was growing in wisdom. So I wanted to get some thoughts off my chest.
- I wanted to figure out what I wanted out of college but also life long term.
- Since last spring, I split time across Seoul, San Francisco, NYC, Austin, and Boston.
It’s a bit sappy (r/im14andthisisdeep energy), but I had a lot of fun reflecting on the last half-year.
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Living mostly alone, sometimes my only entertainment was going on Hinge dates.
Initially I told myself it was just for fun. After all, for so long I had defaulted to making my identity as just work or school. I wanted to get outside and not just be surrounded by the same Patagonia-wearing archetype 24/7. But the mindset of work/school-centric identity was easy to measure and understand. You could find some purpose in working hard towards a tangible goal — like college or money. There’s a pleasant naivety of being able to bury your emotions through the excuse of some (abstract) greater mission.
“Oh, I have practice after school, so I can’t stay up late to hang out. But it’s OK because I’m working towards getting into MIT! Then, I’ll be happy.”
“I would love to go to the formal, but I actually have to send some coffee chat requests on LinkedIn today. I really want to maximize my odds of becoming a billionaire! Yes, then I’ll be happy!”
My gap semester in New York felt like a genuine suspension of reality. For starters, I had a lot of free time, and I had some disposable income from my internship. Nobody was really forcing me to do anything, so I was largely free to think, eat, sleep, work, play, etc. etc. Living alone though really forced me to take a step back and reconsider what I was doing with my life. Nobody was there to hold my hand and give me the steps towards happiness. I could’ve spent my evenings just playing Minecraft all day. But I didn’t. Maybe I could’ve learned a new language. But I didn’t. Or perhaps it would’ve been smart to study more. But then what’s the point of taking time off school?
So I didn’t really have many excuses to not go out and meet people. My friends at school had, well, school. My parents would just tell me to study if I called them. So I downloaded Hinge and added some photos. I told myself it was just for fun — nothing serious!
Some people I met were so complex
To someone you just meet and like, each topic feels fresh and new — from the stories you share to the Spotify playlists you exchange. Even talking about the weather feels so different. These moments are more than just pleasantries: they are gateways to new worlds, new perspectives.
Through these exchanges, I didn’t just learn about the person sitting across from me: I learned about different cultures, new genres of music, films and directors I’d never heard of before. It was like each date added a new brushstroke to my cultural canvas (so artsy!), painting a more colorful and diverse image of the world around me.
Nowadays it’s so easy to feel overwhelmed by the environment. Many global conflicts. Frighteningly super-intelligent machines. Another election year (oof). But to take a step back and remember the joys of connecting with others and simply talk about the simple pleasures of life has been therapeutic. It’s fun to walk around NYC and enjoy new foods, sights, and experiences.
Honestly I didn’t really take most conversations (or meetups) on the app super seriously but I got to meet some really great people. There is a certain elegance in a casual, fun-focused mindset. And if it turns out well long-term, then that’s awesome, too.
I had to train RhoGPT to learn how to reply to messages properly. Here are some embarrassing “hallucinations.”
I do admit that relationships that fizzle feel bittersweet, but these experiences weren’t without their values. And here’s the bright side: every experience, no matter how brief, is a step towards personal growth. Not every connection is meant to last, and that’s perfectly okay because sometimes people come into our lives to teach us, to help us grow, and to then move on.
The joys of human connection
My friend Henry texted this to me while we were catching up about our lives:
“[You] unlearn that habit [of ignoring your emotions] as the objective function [of life] becomes less clear and we have to use our emotions to guide us towards what we want to do.”
It’s been an interesting process to discover direction, yet I think taking some time away has helped me discover renewed clarity. I used to silo myself into believing that only tangible outcomes mattered. But now, the fleeting connections I share with someone new feel all the more special. Exchanging bits and pieces of each other’s interests, dreams, sorrows, and everything else in between feels like a solid stepping stone towards discovering long-term meaning. It’s funny to see how songs or shows that were introduced in passing have slowly become essential parts of my daily routine, for example. (Honestly how did I ever live without Bladee music.)
I find it’s so easy to get so caught up in your own business that you forget that everyone is also living their own complex lives. Their own successes and struggles alike — most others will never know. But sharing slivers of these stories really means so much and puts things into perspective. I’ve developed a stronger sense of empathy and purpose that compels me to live and learn.
Hoping to meet many more faces and enjoy some time to think in the new year ahead.
Thanks to my friends RY, HW, EK, SS, and SY for proofreading drafts of this reflection. :)
